hi,

it's been a really long time since i've made a post here. the majority of this blog was written during my sophomore year while i attended raleigh charter high school. the posts directly below this one were made over the following summer, and during the beginning of my junior year when i began attending the north carolina school of science and math. it's been almost two years since my last post.

i have changed a lot in the interim. i'm now a senior about to graduate from high school. i've got a slightly improved handle on puncutation these days. i'm suddenly (hah) queer. i generally (try to) take myself a lot less seriously. i think i'm a bit happier than i once was--or more willing to admit it.

it's really quite strange, though. as i look back on these blog entries and think about who i am now, it would seem that i've become a lot like that person who i wanted so badly to be two years ago. i listen to the obscure music. i watch the obscure films. i read the "great" books. i delight in kitsch with appropriate levels of irony and earnestness. i have lots of wonderful, interesting friends. i've learned lots of wonderful, interesting things. and i'm on my way to columbia university in the city of new york next fall.

i guess that gives me hope for the future.

it also makes me wonder about the things that i want, and the ways in which i want them. my whole life i've worked very hard at constructing the person that i am, but, ultimately, getting to where i am now hasn't been very hard. and even though i like who i am a lot, i don't know if the pursuit is very fulfilling.

but that's okay. i'm at a point of transition, just as i was when i stopped making posts here. i don't really know what brought me back. i've read through the archives a few times in the past two years, but i've never felt the need to make another entry before now.

anyway, feel free to take a look around. there was a time when i couldn't have said that. there was a time when this place was a lot more than just my drawing board. i don't want to apologize for it, even if 10th grade robert embarrasses the hell out of 12th grade robert. it's nice to see how i've grown. it's nice to know that i've always got room to grow. and it's nice to know that, years from now, a different robert will have a picture of himself at two periods of his growth rather than one. so try not to laugh too hard at the bad poetry, please.

anyway, here's looking at you, kid.

- robert 'kiss-n-hug' davis

p.s. hi emma

god damn it. nevermind.

i think i might shut down this blog if only for the sake of conformity. oh. haha. wait, nobody reads this bullshit. no one ever has (ok, that's not completely true. hi emma! hi tre!(?)) but hey, fuck it! i don't have time to post anymore, and this is all such complete bullshit. i'm gonna go now.

I've been listening to a bunch of actual whole albums lately, most of it is really really mind bendingly good, individual songs have a completely different face in the proper context.

The really really fucking good ones:
The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin
The Pixies - Doolittle
The Arcade Fire - Funeral
Radiohead - The Bends
Eastern Youth - What Can You See From Your Place
My Bloody Valentine - Loveless

My roomate has left for the weekend so i'm all alone, it's kind of pathetic. I think he's the only reason I've even sort of socialized.

I talked to Emma a while ago, I really miss her, she's one of the few people who could understand me while still not taking my bullshit.

I've found it easier to communicate my feelings, but i won't go into it. This blog is just a way for me to admit to things without being accountable for it, and i'm starting to think that that is very silly and immature. Certainly i could put up a comments thing but those are just words, and i wouldn't care. I don't like machines as it turns out, i've just pretended to.

But basically I'm lonely, and sort of sad, and very frustrated. I like some of the people here but it's difficult for me to just talk to someone, which i guess is the frustration. Some of it anyway, the other part comes from this feeling of mediocrity - like i'm doing well in my classes, but i've realized that there's nothing at all special about me, unlike everyone else. Looking around anyone you see no matter how stereotypically whatever could be a concert pianist or a poet or simply a fucking genius. that's probably not true, but i've yet to be proved wrong. i wish i could write, that makes me feel good sorta, I really want to do a really good short story, but i don't have the time.

Marquis De Sade is disturbing, but not in the way that you think. Just too many similarities.

I really wanna go home.

people in glass houses don't throw (i'm finding it impossible to make a blog post that makes sense. suffice it to say that ncssm is difficult and i miss being home with people i know and a group and being able to talk to things with my mouth. however this weekend of being with my family has made me realized that if i were to leave i would be screwing myself out of a huge oppurtunity and that i would spend the next two years suffocating. i love my family though, and i love my friends. but at home it's too much, whereas here there's not enough. i suppose my logic is that i have room to build and it's to early to tell if it will be beautiful to our eyes. where you are there is too much deconstruction which needs to be done to make it complete. suffice it to say that i am leaving behind a bloody fucking mess.) stones.

i don't belong here.

be jealous. i have essentially 5 classes being embryology, american studies, algebra 3, latin, and jazz band (sort of). but that's not why you should be jealous, you should be jealous because this school has a rotating schedule. so:

monday: 1st class is at 8, ends at 8 50. 2nd class is at 9 50, ends at 10 40. no more classes till 1 25, ending at 2 15.

tuesday: first class is at 8, ends at 9 45. 2nd class from 9 50 to 10 40. 3rd from 10 45 to 12 15, and my last class is at 3 25, ending at 4 15. then i have jazz band in the afternoon at 7. great fun.

wednesday: first class is at 8 55, ends at 9 45. i do a work service thing (i work in the copy room) for an hour and then my last class is at 2 20 and ends at 3 10.

thursday and friday ar basically much like the others, on friday my first class is at 9 50 though, and i only have 3 classes the whole day. i think this school was worth it just for the schedule.

everything else is cool as well, i ended up getting a cell phone, and i'm less home sick than i thought i would be. the food is decent considering i come from having nothing but a bunch of african food which i've grown to hate. my roomate's cool, walt would like him a bunch, he plays a mean enter sandman...riff.

i'll post more later.

i'm leaving at this very moment, move-in day was pushed back cause of the hurricane. i'll post my schedule when i get it then not post again ti'll around labor day. i'm gonna miss you all.

*tear*